I am not a potty mouth. When I do use bad words, it's a conscious effort. Instead of popping out naturally, I have to actively decide to insert my expletive of choice. While I'm deciding, there's inevitably a gaping constipated pause in my sentence right before the naughty word, so when it finally comes out I end up sounding like an idiot.
Example 1: "I don't give a .... shit about what they think about me...!"
Example 2: "Ohmygosh did you see that!? She cut right in front of me, that ... ... bitch."
Example 3: "What the ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... fuck are you doing?"
You see? My potty mouth words are massive failures, instead of being the bad- ... ... ass trash talk that they are meant to be.
It's been such a serious source of shame, that for a while I considered therapy. But then I discovered that I can fix my problem by drinking. It lets me swear with confidence, poise, and dignity. Alcohol is a laxative for my previously clogged-up sentences. And a secondary beneficiary to my smooth swearing? My poetry of course:
The potpourri scent just makes it smell like potpourri-scented poop
This is one of the dumbest things
you can say:"Let's clean it with Febreze!"
It's still dirty
you fucking moron.
The room still smells like armpit and ass.
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